Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
where am i from again
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
