I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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