Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
