You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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