What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
