I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
