Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
