Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
