Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
