my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
