I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
