I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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