Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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