Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
