I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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