I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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