The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
