yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
