you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
