I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize