I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
