remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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