i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
