Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
