I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
