I CAN MOONWALK!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
