I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
