OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
