She said her name was "party"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
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No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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