I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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