She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Duck Duck Cougar?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
