peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize