I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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