I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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