why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
