they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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