woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
