Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
