he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
