Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
