Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
