found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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