I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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