Why does Corona taste like a burp?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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