I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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