dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
