I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
