i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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