This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
