I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
