My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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