I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
