Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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