just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
