i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
