woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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