i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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