Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
