Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
