Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
