How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
