if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
