yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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