I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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