I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
