I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
