One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
