sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
