standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
