There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
