At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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